Thursday, February 28, 2013

Trombone Lesson


Trombone Lesson
by Paul Hostovsky
The twenty minutes from half past nine
to ten of ten is actually slightly longer
than the twenty minutes from ten of ten
to ten past ten, which is half downhill
as anyone who's ever stared at the hillocky
face of a clock in the 5th grade will tell you.
My trombone lesson with Mr. Leister
was out the classroom door and down
the tessellating hallway to the band room
which was full of empty chairs and music stands
from ten past ten to ten-forty, which is half
an hour and was actually slightly shorter
than the twenty minutes that came before or after
which as anyone who's ever played trombone
will tell you, had to do with the length of the slide
and the smell of the brass and also the mechanism
of the spit-valve and the way that Mr. Leister
accompanied me on his silver trumpet making
the music sound so elegantly and eminently
better than when I practiced it at home
for hours and hours which were all much shorter
than an hour actually, as anyone who's ever
practiced the art of deception with a musical
instrument will tell you, if he's honest and has any
inkling of the spluttering, sliding, flaring,
slippery nature of time, youth and trombones.
"Trombone Lesson" by Paul Hostovsky, from Bending the Notes. © Main Street Rag Publishing Company, 2008.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Man of Music


I stood in the door to Mr. Lehr’s office, cornet in hand. It was time for my weekly lesson with the only instrumental music teacher in my small Iowa hometown. He had been teaching me since I was in fourth grade, and now I was on the verge of junior high–seventh grade. Mr. Lehr motioned me in.
The Instrumental Music Office, just off the high school band room, was a jumble of music, stray horn parts, drum sticks, and those mysterious papers all teachers possess. A hint of daylight through a small window lifted the basement space above grade. Mr. Lehr bore the faint smell of cigarette smoke, transported from the teachers’ hideout in the boiler room.
I do not remember if either of us closed the office door. On that summer day, we may have been the only two people in the sprawling building, so there was no need to. If anyone thought about the risks of adults and children–teachers and students–being alone in a room or building, it was never mentioned. And I never had reason to be concerned.
I handed Mr. Lehr the printed form on which I had recorded my practice hours during the previous week. A line at the top urged me to “Practice for Results.” As usual, it reported that I had invested the recommended half-hour each day–3 1/2 hours for the week–in my nascent music career. My mother had signed my practice record, so what it said was true. “Results” were Mr. Lehr’s call.
I sat down on a metal chair next to my teacher, placed music on the stand in front of me, and gently blew a few puffs of air through my battered, second-hand cornet. My parents had not invested in a new horn when I started. If I had quit in a month, what would they have done with it? I was ready to demonstrate the week’s results to my teacher.
Before I could play my first note, Mr. Lehr brought up a subject I had hoped we might avoid. At my last lesson he had asked me to play music that was sort of a “test,” though he probably used every other word available to describe it. The purpose of that call-it-anything-but-a-test, test was to help determine whether I should continue to play cornet, to study music. I knew I was not very good at sight-reading, and still felt the sting of my previous week’s performance. I had spent the seven days since hoping Mr. Lehr would let the whole “test” business fade into silence. If only I’d spent as much time Practicing for Improved Results.
The embarrassing matter was not be be ignored. Mr. Lehr, as he always did, sympathetically moved right to the point: “Dean, do you remember the music I had you play last week?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you played some of it very well. But I am afraid you did not do well on the rhythmic patterns; you know, on counting.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry. That’s the way it is. Unfortunately, the result is that it says you probably shouldn’t continue studying music–taking lessons, being in the band, and so on–because, according to it, music is just not something you’ll ever be able to do well at.”
I sat there. What could I say that wouldn’t give way to tears?
A pause, and Mr. Lehr continued: “But I know how much you like playing cornet, and I know how hard you work at it. And you were very nervous last week. So I am not going to pay attention to that report. I think you can learn to count, and I will work with you for at least another year. I think you should continue.”
I hope the next thing I said was, “Thank you.”
Practicing’s results the following two years were good enough that as I entered high school my parents bought me a beautiful Olds Super Cornet. I played it in the concert, marching, and swing/pep bands through high school. I became a decent musician, good enough to win first chair. I did well at contests, mastering challenging solo pieces with Mr. Lehr’s help. On Wednesday evenings through each summer I took my place on the bandstand just east of our massive stone county courthouse and played with the best of the town’s musicians in the city band, under Mr. Lehr’s direction. I wasn’t always first chair in that band, but I got paid for it. It is the only time in my life I have been paid for making music.
In my senior year, Mr. Lehr talked me into playing a jazz solo as part of an all-school talent show. I worked and worked on it, but was never at ease with it, and never got it right. Improvising jazz’s rhythms was beyond me. If he recalled our conversation of several years earlier about whether I should go on, he didn’t say so. Such was the timing of our relationship.
I haven’t played my cornet in decades. I have been told I could sell it for a good deal more than my mom and dad paid for it, but it’s hard for me to imagine parting with it. It awaits its future in our attic.
Charles F. Lehr was the constant “music man” in our town, teaching there for 32 years. Vocal music teachers came and left, and string programs didn’t have a chance in rural Iowa in those days. But he was an institution as solid as the courthouse, and more reliable than the clock that overlooks the town from its tower. When I heard of his death, at the age of 90, on February 15, 2013, I remembered the last time I saw him, about three years ago, and that I tried to thank him in a way he would know was for real.
My love of music and my active participation in music-making have been constants throughout my life, largely because, one day in the mid-1950s, Chuck Lehr judged me by my person and not by some “test.”

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Is Redemption Sentimental and Naive?


According to an entry in Writer's Almanac last week, David Foster Wallace (who, sadly, took his own life) said:
"Postmodern irony and cynicism's become an end in itself, a measure of hip sophistication and literary savvy. Few artists dare to try to talk about ways of working toward redeeming what's wrong, because they'll look sentimental and naive to all the weary ironists. Irony's gone from liberating to enslaving. ... The postmodern founders' patricidal work was great, but patricide produces orphans, and no amount of revelry can make up for the fact that writers my age have been literary orphans throughout our formative years."
What do you think, my writing friends? Can we write of redemption and not get laughed out of the fraternity/sorority?

Friday, February 15, 2013

Fast or Feast?


I was raised a Protestant, so I claim only an outsider's understanding of things Catholic. Over the years  some aspects of that branch of the Christian faith have become clearer to me, but others have faded into mystery. Here’s one of them:
When I was young, my Catholic friends could not eat meat on Fridays, all year long. (Wednesdays, too, my wife tells me.) In place of meat, they could eat fish. Sometime through the years, permission was given to eat meat on Fridays most of the year, but to abstain from it on the Fridays of Lent. The point, I believe, was (and is) to symbolize sacrifice by giving up something very important on a regular basis. That’s a good idea, though Protestants are not all that much into it, perhaps because many of us didn’t have to eat fish when we were young.
In my adulthood I have become more and more suspicious of the “sacrifice” part of it, however. The reason is the ubiquitous “Friday fish fries” that suddenly become very popular every Lent–some 150 of them in the Cleveland area alone, according to this morning’s Plain Dealer. These are no doubt successful because now non-Catholics can get into fish dinners (especially the all-you-can-eat variety) as easily as can Catholics.
If you are not interested in mass-produced meals of fried fish and French fries and cole slaw, you can easily buy some choicer fish and marine animal foods in any supermarket and make yourself a really good meal. There are sales on everything fishy this time of year. And restaurants outdo one another offering mouth-watering fish on their menus, at prices ranging from cheap to outrageously expensive, usually in inverse proportion to the amount of food you get on your plate.
So my question is this: what has happened to the “sacrificial” aspect of eating fish instead of meat? Seems to me it’s been lost in the shuffle, with Catholic parishes hauling in the profits from folks who may think eating fish during Lent is some kind of patriotic duty. Seems to me the only sacrifice is being made by the Roman Catholic faithful who staff the kitchens and halls of their churches this time of year. (Are the world’s fish stocks being sacrificed as well? No doubt.)
So tell me, my Catholic friends whom I have not offended too much: does the Lenten practice of eating fish on Fridays seem like a sacrifice to you? Does it serve a spiritual purpose any more? Is this still a fast, or is it more like a feast?
Hey: what about going vegetarian during Lent? That’s something this Protestant could get into.