Grandfather's Cars
by Robert Phillips
Every two years he traded them in (“As soon
as the ashtrays get full,” he said with good humor);
always a sedate four-door sedan, always a Buick,
always dark as the inside of a tomb.
Then one spring Grandfather took off to trade,
returned, parked proudly in the driveway.
“Shave-and-a-haircut, two bits!” blared the horn.
Grandmother emerged from the kitchen into day-
light, couldn’t believe her eyes. Grandfather sat
behind the wheel of a tomato-red Lincoln
convertible, the top down. “Shave-and-a-haircut,
two bits!” “Roscoe, whatever are you thinking?”
she cried. Back into the kitchen she flew.
No matter how many times he leaned on that horn,
she wouldn’t return. So he went inside,
found her decapitating strawberries with scorn.
“Katie, what’s wrong with that automobile?
All my life I’ve wanted something sporty.”
He stood there wearing his Montgomery Ward
brown suit and saddle shoes. His face was warty.
She wiped her hands along her apron,
said words that cut like a band saw:
“What ails you? They’ll think you’ve turned fool!
All our friends are dying like flies-all!
You can’t drive that thing in a funeral procession.”
He knew she was right. He gave her one baleful
look, left, and returned in possession
of a four-door Dodge, black, practical as nails.
Grandfather hated that car until the day he died.
