My pair of new Herman Survivors bootlaces was delivered to our doorstep last Saturday mid-afternoon, several hours before the 10:00 p.m. cut-off time that Walmart had promised. I was relieved.
What did it take to find 54-inch laces for the brown Merrell hikers that I purchased several years ago at R.E.I.? Not a lot, but more than it should have.
I began shopping at Famous Footwear across Euclid Avenue from our neighborhood. Their sparkly, shiny laces in the length I needed offended my sense of style. The Merrells expressed offense as well.
I then made my way down I-271 to the R.E.I. where I’d bought the boots. I would cut to the chase and get the job done efficiently.
Alas, R.E.I did not have a single pair of 54-inch laces in stock. But the helpful clerk suggested their Portland (Oregon?!) store might have them, which isn’t helpful when you live in northeast Ohio. (I know that they meant that I could probably find them online at the Oregon store, but it still struck me as an odd suggestion.)
You sold me the dang shoes, didn’t you? Can’t you carry their laces?
Back at my Mac, I refused to search for them online from any R.E.I. anywhere. Surely I could find and pick up a pair at Dick’s Sporting Goods. But again alas, such was not to be.
So I ended up at one of the last two places I often end up looking for items: Walmart. (The other last choice is Amazon, but given the choice, I tend to choose Walmart. It just seems so real and so local, compared to the amorphous super-duper mega Bezos enterprise.)
Visiting the Walmart website at 9:30 on a Friday evening isn’t exactly the best way to start the weekend. But it was worth it, or seemed to be, because…
…Yes! Walmart had the laces I needed, for $2.50, pick-up-able at 7:00 a.m. Saturday morning at their store a couple of miles from home. I’d save Walmart the cost of shipping by getting them myself the next day…though somewhat later than 7:00 a.m.
But with the morning came disappointment. My laces were not available at that store, or anywhere else in the Walmart universe. Downcast, I returned to the Walmart website after breakfast, and found a $3.00 pair that I could pick up that day—Saturday—after noon. The additional $.50 was no problem. I wonder what they will cost with whatever tariffs Mr. Trump eventually decides to place on imports from China, because that’s where they were made, probably for a couple of yen.
Then, a few minutes later arrived the inevitable dreaded email: No, my Walmart doesn’t have them after all. BUT, meta Walmart can deliver them to me before 10:00 p.m. this very evening! How could I say no?
Thus, and with relief, it came to pass that—
My new pair of Herman Survivors bootlaces was delivered to our doorstep last Saturday mid-afternoon, several hours before the 10:00 p.m. cut-off time that Walmart had promised.
What did I learn from all of this?
- Never assume that you can get laces for your shoes from the place where you bought them. Imagine: R.E.I. Merrells showing Walmart laces in public! Un-cool, but also unavoidable.
- Never think that you can easily get the laces you want anywhere.
- Everything comes from China, at least for the time being.
- Walmart is not quite sure of its inventory.
- “Herman Survivors” was once a pretty good brand of boots whose name Walmart bought and now uses to market what reviewers say are at best serviceable boots—not great, but okay for the price. ’Tis the way of current American commerce.
Finally—and I am embarrassed to admit this—my Merrells don’t really need 54-inch laces. I had carefully measured the old ones, but didn’t account for the fact they are stretchy, which all clothing is these days. The new laces are about 6 inches longer than I need when stretched to their limit. Maybe the 48-inch laces R.E.I. did have would have been okay. I will never know.
Because, you see, the laces I finally found work, which is good enough for me, American consumer that I am, beaten down a little bit more that weekend by the way that America does business today.